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WISHES


How I wish that time could turn back a few hours ago, so all of my words wouldn't suffer you and now suffering me...

How I wish I could see clearly the road of life that I'm going, so that I could know which is right turn, which is wrong turn in my life. Sometimes, sitting down to think of life, I don't know where to go, what am I doing this for, going on the road, but don't know when it ends and where it leads me to.

How I wish that I could have a strong man stays beside me and hug me tight each time I'm sad, because even how strong I'm, I'm still only a little girl in life with so many challenges and traps. If I just neglect for a while, life is going to kill me. I have to be strong because I'm not lucky to have a strong man with me... You're luckier than me when you have someone to take care of you, so don't look at my strength and then jealous because you don't know that I do want to have something that you have. Sometimes, people give compliments about my dynamic, active, strong, independent characteristics, but you know that, I hate these characteristics sometimes, because of them, men are running away from me.... I wish to be a kitty, a bunny, a piggy, a puppy or whatever as long as small and weak, so that people will take care of me. I don't have to take care of myself too much.


How I wish I could never grow up, if only I were a child, I wouldn't know anything in life so that I wouldn't have to be suffered the pain. Physical pain is easy to cure, but emotional pain takes me the rest of my life to forget. Sometimes, like now the emotional pain makes me feel like I just want to take the knife to stab into my heart, without heart, no pain anymore.

How I wish I could have family here with me now because at the moment I'm so weak, my heart is crumbling into a thousand pieces, but I only can cry sniffly, because I'm afraid my neighbors can hear it. If i were at home now, I will hug Mom and Dad tight and burst into tear like a child. I wish that, I really wish that.

How I wish You my friend could understand me more and sympathize me if sometimes my mind and temper are out of control... I might do something crazy because that time i was at the corner of the end of the street, no exit.

How I wish I could restart everything from the beginning so that I would try to do the best I can... All the best thing is I would never let anyone be hurt by me.

How I wish that someone could listen to whatever I said, could understand what I feel and think for him. Maybe TO YOU it's just bullshit, but at least TO ME that was my true feeling.

How I wish that everyone could be happy so even when you are rich or you are poor, you will not treat your husband or wife badly. And the children don't have to live in the street more than in their houses.

BUT...

It's so cruel because all of my wishes above, NONE of them become true...

I'm still a small lonely girl in a big stormy life and still have to build up a thick, strong outside shell to protect myself.

Who could understand????
Crystalicious
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HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS


An MC raised up the glass of water and asked the audiences:
"Any of you know, what is the weight of this glass of water"?
" It depends on how long do you hold it"- said one of the audiences
"Yes, you are right. The longer I hold it, the more tired and heavier i feel".
And he came to an end: "Same thing, any problem in your daily life, just put it down and take it easy for a while before continuing taking it back to solve it because life is too short to enjoy. And the more you keep it with you, the more you feel tired. When you feel tired, you can't be lucid to decide anything".


This is the story i read on a random website and i was thinking of you. So this post is especially for you, my little pig and......for me as well.

You know, our life is neither long or short. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. We just live for today and hope for tomorrow. But sometimes, hope doesn't happen as expected. Do you notice that, in our life, SADNESS IS ALWAYS MORE THAN HAPPINESS.

Nobody is happy or sad as well as lucky or unlucky all life long. If today you are happy, let's appreciate it because it won't last forever. But unfortunately, bad thing happens to you today, you should also appreciate it because of it, you have learned a new lesson in your life to avoid it next time. And PROBLEMS ARE ALWAYS CHALLENGES TO MAKE YOU GROW UP.

I've heard so many people say "Why bad luck, shit things always happen to me simultaneously and continuously" so don't worry, not only you feel that way, the other people do too. It's how we look at the problems.

I used to laugh like mad, talk like crazy and make fun of myself each time I was in trouble and couldn't get out of it. My friends looked at me with strange eyes and asked me "How come today you are so crazy". This is the only way I could do even after that I feel sad like hell and extremely desperate, but at least I was happy in a few minutes and a few minutes can make a day. That means, 1 minute you try to forget your sadness and smile is 1 minute you stay happy.

So just try to get out of your sadness, your problem by smiling even just for 1 minute.

There is a psychologist said: Smiling need to be trained: when to smile, how to smile, etc... It's absolutely true.
Normally, people just shout out loud or even curse at bad things happen to them, then after that they place themselves in impasse because don't know what to do. However, there are very a few people who know how to take problem calmly and solve it slowly. The special thing about them is they smile every time.

One of my friends who ever had a frightful childhood, lost his father since he was so young, lacked of his mom's love, was a street-child and did a lot of things to earn for a living, etc... Until now, his life is much better than last time, has a permanent job, has own house, even not too big... Sometimes, here and there in his life, there are still some problems and I've known some. But he always smiles and makes people laugh. I was wondering why then he answered: "Even sorrow or happiness, we still have to live, why don't we live happily to enjoy our life" And I realize that I forget to smile lately that's why my face looks older.

I believe that you already have your own way how to deal with your problem, it's just time for you to do it, but what I want to remind you is while finding the way to solve your problem, don't ever forget to smile because one day passes by so fast. Your day is going to be shortened more and your problems are gone quickly if you keep smiling. The rest of it, just let it be, because

WHATEVER HAS MEANT TO BE, IT WILL HAPPEN.

Just try as much as you can,  to enjoy your life even sometimes life brings you tears. And if you need help, family and friends are always around you.
I wish to see you happy every day...

Crystal
Crystalicious
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I JUST WANT TO BE A GOOD FRIEND


She was not very pretty, just a normal and amiable girl, maybe, but she had a lot of guys who wanted to go after her since she was 18 years old until now. She still remembers when she was 18, her mom asked "What do the guys like about you? Not pretty, not good personality, lazy and stubborn, etc..." (Very bad characteristics she had last time). 

That time, she just felt so happy and proud of being admired by many guys. Every Woman Days, birthday, Xmas, etc... She got a lot of gifts while other girls, her friends, had nothing or just a few. But don't think that she fell in love with anyone. No one at all! She just wanted to enjoy the ice-cream, the bag of candy, chocolate they bought to share with other girls. To her, these guys were still little boys. And she rejected them without any hesitation if she didn't like. (That's bad girl)

As time goes by................

A mischievous and obstinate girl those days now becomes gentle and mature young lady. Life taught her a lot and life made her change. She thinks twice before saying and doing things.

She learns how to take care of herself from the outer look to inner feeling as her mom can't take care of her anymore since she is living far away from mommy. 
She was hurt by people a few times,  that's why she ever said to herself to think of others' feeling before doing something to them as well. She is so sensitive to people's action and feelings toward her and she is always afraid of making people sad. This sometimes is her strength, but sometimes her weakness. 

Everything is completely changed: her appearance, her thinking, her lifestyle, her personalities, etc... But the only one thing that never changes: the number of her admirers. They are: from rich to poor, from online to real life, from friend to friend... If it was last time, she would be very happy and proud too. Right now, she feels worried and afraid sometimes. 

She doesn't want to think of it or mention it because she feels tired. There was one guy ever told her: " I like you, but I will leave you because the woman like you is very difficult to keep" which made her feel so bad :(. If anyone ever talks to her and knows her, they will feel she is very friendly and enthusiastic but sometimes "your enthusiasm makes guy think that you are in love with him", another friend commented. Is it so? 

One of her close friends told her: " Now you are single, you are free, you have the right to date with anyone, go out with any guy you want, just make you feel happy. Don't have to think too much unless you have a boyfriend". Yes, she did that. But after all she thinks back "whether people misunderstand me when I'm out with this guy, that guy". That thinking makes her tired. Does she think too much?
Sometimes, it's hard for her to tell the guys "Please don't love me, just treat me as a friend" when the guys haven't said anything yet... So if you never hear the words"I like you", "I love you" or something romantic like that, please just treat her as a friend or a little sister will be fine enough.
I can assure you that she is going to be a very good friend of yours.

Crystal
P/s: Guess who is that crazy, complicated girl? 
Crystalicious
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STRONG MIND


As time goes by, everything will come to an end and so does my exam! It's finally over. I've managed to finish my exam so well (to me) and hopefully i don't have to repeat any subject *finger crossed*...

Do you want to know how did i manage to "climb over on top of the hill"??? Ok, let me tell you...

Everyday in the week during the exam, i spent the whole day in library, read book like i've never loved anything else in this world other than books. Every time, it takes me half an hour to finish 1st page because after finish reading, I still don't get what the story is about and I have to read it over and over again, so silly me. But this time, it was much better because short timing forced me to focus on studying more.

From 9am to 6am at college, studying and studying, I went back home to have dinner and prepared to go to teach at the studio. I Finished everything and arrived home always at 11pm and continued studying until 3am, 4am and woke up at 8m the next day to start the entire routine again. So hardworking, am I not?

No, actually last minute studying students always like that, so I consider myself as a *ehem* lazy girl..., but who cares? ^_^. 1st subject went well, 2nd and 3rd one were not too bad. Friday was the last day with 2 subjects, the most difficult one was on that day too, very early in the morning... Unfortunately, I hadn't studied at all for these 2 subjects. I planned to study on Thurs evening and stayed up the whole night if I had to however, my stupid gastric pain suddenly came to visit me unwanted... Taking 3 pills couldn't help me much and I couldn't stand it all night long... But as people say "Every cloud has a silver lining" which means luck and bad luck always go together... Thank to my friend who brought me out to buy some medicines that night :) Appreciate it. Give yourself a cup of tea to thank you.

Back to my half way study process, I had no choice but just have to go to bed to rest and couldn't finish studying.... Friday morning, sitting in the exam hall with the stupid pain still there, I couldn't eat anything because my stomach was so sick. The only thing could motivate me was thinking about the last paper, I felt so much stronger to overcome the pain... Then the last one, even the pain was still there, but i did manage to do it well and left the exam venue earlier 30 minutes than others. It's all done!

Ok. I feel like I'm talking about all the nonsense stuffs of my life, but the bottom line is "YOUR MIND WILL LEAD YOU TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE". So, Stay strong!
Crystalicious
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